So the other night I was pretty bored and I didn't have much to do, so I sat and meandered through the computer reading blogs and checking out different things. I guess that maybe it wasn't the greatest idea for me to do because now I feel so very lazy and uncool. Yes, I know I am being dumb for being hard on myself, but really, have you guys looked to see what is out there. There are so many ladies that have their entire blogs on the amazing foods that they make, or they are sharing information on every thing coupon and savings(I really should read those ones more). There are blogs all about beautiful hair dos for kids (yeah definitely need to look at that one more often) and those that are amazing writers share wonderful insights in their daily lives or on church topics and more. Blogs show cases the talent of photograhy and sharing info on babies, and enduring all kinds of ailments. Yes, there is so much out there that amazing women are doing.
I guess it goes back to this feeling I have of never being good enough. I just need to do more.
I have been struggling lately on trying to get myself ready to go back to work. I have to read up on all the info that I learned in school for dental assisting, and I just pray that someone will give me a chance, considering that I haven't worked in the last three years. I know that working is the only choice that we have right now. I am willing to work and just be happy with it. Though, (I know this might sound horrible and don't worry I am not searching for pity it was just what I was feeling for a bit) with the time that I have had, I felt that I've not been using it wisely and maybe my kids would be better off with someone else during the day. I don't give them enough time and attention during the day. I don't plan out more creative activities or things to teach them. I don't clean my house well enough and I really don't cook any kind of a good variety of food. I always spend too much at the store and then I always get in trouble for it. Which reminds me I spend too much money where ever I go.
As I write those words it makes me cry. This feeling of not being good enough and not being good enough for my kids is a hard thing to think about.
The more rational side of my brain tells me that I am just being stupid for thinking these things. I now that some feelings are not rational that I have. The only thing that I can think of to stop thinking this way is to pray. Pray with earnestness and a desire to be content and happy.
I think that it might get better once I get a job and settle into things.
I know that looking at those blogs made me feel a little jealous and inadequate but it really is amazing what those women have done and are doing all the time. They are putting some great info and support out there. I'm sure they will continue doing wonderful things and same with the women I know and live around. I have to do and can only do my best and what I am capable of. For all the rest I will rely on the lord.
4 comments:
I'm sorry you've had a rough day! I think, though, that most of us mothers out there have had, or still DO have, the same thoughts and fears. It's normal so don't stress, k? :)
I think you're fabulous!!!
You shouldn't worry about doing "cool" stuff" with your kids. The thing that really matters is that you are there for them. My cousin told me that great moms are the ones that worry they are not doing enough!
Oh man, you should have been at our Stake Enrichment thing last night. We had the best speaker-Kim Nelson. He spoke at Time Out For Women. So forwarding on what he said last night, I need to ask you Sherri...What would you say to Lily if she was the one telling you all the things you just said? Would you be gentle with her and point out her strengths and love her unconditionally? Or would you say something like--Yeah, you're a big screw up and not good enough and I'll love you when you do better. Kind of silly, right? So his point is when we start having negative dialogue with ourselves, remove ourself from the picture and always pose that question--"what would I say to my son/daughter who felt like this?" And then listen to your own advice. Also, think about how you'd feel if Lily felt like that and then times it by 1000 because that's how Heavenly Father feels about YOU. :)
Thanks for sharing. Feel better. We've all been there when we just don't feel like we're doing all that we can/should/want to.
I can't help but want to scoop you up in my arms and give you a big hug. There is never enough time in the day to get everything done, and there are always days when we feel we didn't do enough. It doesn't mean we're bad at our job, it means we're HUMAN! It's ok! We're not perfect, and you should never feel guilty taking out a little time just for you-even if it's just sitting at the computer.
I know your kids are happy and well-rounded, and you are just as multi-faceted. Be proud of who you are. You are powerful and have alot to offer! I love you!
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