An emotional night

So the other night I was pretty bored and I didn't have much to do, so I sat and meandered through the computer reading blogs and checking out different things. I guess that maybe it wasn't the greatest idea for me to do because now I feel so very lazy and uncool. Yes, I know I am being dumb for being hard on myself, but really, have you guys looked to see what is out there. There are so many ladies that have their entire blogs on the amazing foods that they make, or they are sharing information on every thing coupon and savings(I really should read those ones more). There are blogs all about beautiful hair dos for kids (yeah definitely need to look at that one more often) and those that are amazing writers share wonderful insights in their daily lives or on church topics and more. Blogs show cases the talent of photograhy and sharing info on babies, and enduring all kinds of ailments. Yes, there is so much out there that amazing women are doing.

I guess it goes back to this feeling I have of never being good enough. I just need to do more.

I have been struggling lately on trying to get myself ready to go back to work. I have to read up on all the info that I learned in school for dental assisting, and I just pray that someone will give me a chance, considering that I haven't worked in the last three years. I know that working is the only choice that we have right now. I am willing to work and just be happy with it. Though, (I know this might sound horrible and don't worry I am not searching for pity it was just what I was feeling for a bit) with the time that I have had, I felt that I've not been using it wisely and maybe my kids would be better off with someone else during the day. I don't give them enough time and attention during the day. I don't plan out more creative activities or things to teach them. I don't clean my house well enough and I really don't cook any kind of a good variety of food. I always spend too much at the store and then I always get in trouble for it. Which reminds me I spend too much money where ever I go.

As I write those words it makes me cry. This feeling of not being good enough and not being good enough for my kids is a hard thing to think about.

The more rational side of my brain tells me that I am just being stupid for thinking these things. I now that some feelings are not rational that I have. The only thing that I can think of to stop thinking this way is to pray. Pray with earnestness and a desire to be content and happy.

I think that it might get better once I get a job and settle into things.

I know that looking at those blogs made me feel a little jealous and inadequate but it really is amazing what those women have done and are doing all the time. They are putting some great info and support out there. I'm sure they will continue doing wonderful things and same with the women I know and live around. I have to do and can only do my best and what I am capable of. For all the rest I will rely on the lord.

Cake Day and Lilly's Birthday

Saturday, what a long day. I had to decorate my nephew Kyle's cake for his 17th birthday and Lilly's barbie cake. I was excited to do these cakes and to see what the end result would look like. For Kyle's cake I was told to make an army helmet. I tried looking on the internet to see if there were any other cakes like that but I could not find any. So I looked off a picture of a real army helmet with camo. I spent the beginning of the morning making chocolate frosting that tasted really good. The kids and I could not stop tasting it. I made up three different colors and I thought that they were a pretty good likeness to the camo colors. Next I had to decorate. Miah wanted to watch and be beside me the whole time. She was getting into every thing in the process and was making things a little difficult, but as long as I distracted her with having to lick off the frosting from the spatula she did fine.

She was getting a bit messy but that is OK. I planned on dealing with that later.

So this is the camo army helmet. After piping on the frosting it took me an hour to smooth it all down. The colors did end up mixing a little on the edges and really it is not a very pretty cake but it did look like an army helmet. I had originaly planned to decorate it with marshmellow fondant which would probably have looked better but I was afraid it would take a lot longer.

So Katie came and picked up the cake and they had it that night during Kyles party. I hope it tasted ok.

This is Lilly's special Barbie cakes. The house was a huge messy by the time I got to decorating these and an even bigger mess when I was done. I spent a while piping out the stars that cover that dress and I was very happy with the out come. With there being so many little stars you really can't see the areas that I messed up on. It just blended in together. Lilly really liked the colors and I think she enjoyed getting more that just one little barbie on there.

I had to buy a min cake mold and the barbie heads which come in a packet of four. They were only like two dollars so I thought it was a good deal for something special. They are not the cutest barbie heads in the world but they did the trick. These barbie's don't have any legs so that you are able to poke them into the cake.

We went to Wahooz (formally known as Boondocks) for Lilly's party. IT was just our little family who went but that was ok. We got to play games and chase after Miah. The kids got a whole bunch of tickets and lots of fun treats at the end. There were not enough little kid games and we vetoed the kid area because we thought it was too expensive. Shyesh, $2.50 per kid for this small little kid area.

Who doesn't love a ride on something that looks like a dinosaur are rocks back and forth.

We had cake and ice cream at grandma H's house. We had to poke the candles in the sides hoping that the barbie's hair would not catch on fire.

Well, she blew out the candles and wanted to get straight to the gifts and ended up not even being interested in eating her cake.

Doug had fun with it though.

And Miah enjoyed the ice cream.

Cameron loves cake so he was the one that ate the rest of the cake the following couple of days. Lilly is not a big sweets eater but I think that she did like looking at the cake that I made especial for her.

Superbowl Party

Super Bowl Party- food, family, fun and football. I really don't go to the party to watch the game so the food and family part is what I look foreword to. I was in charge of making the cake for the party. We were celebrating Sarah, great grandma, grandma, Lilly and Kyle's Birthdays all in the first week of February. Next we were getting together to say good luck to my brother Jackson who will be leaving today for the next three months for his Pilots schooling. And another good luck to my brother Lester who is trying out for the BSU football team today.

Well I had a good time eating and talking to the family, the guys watched the football game while the girls did some eyebrow waxing. We all had some cake, which turned out alright, and wished everyone well while some of the party had to leave.

There was extra cake left over, but since I am now sick of cake and frosting, I gave the rest to my parents.

I gave this purse with some extra little things to Sarah for her birthday. I thought it would be fun to learn to make a purse and I will probably try making some more on different patterns. It didn't come out as cute as I thought it would but I think Sarah could find something to us it for.

I hope you had a good birthday Sarah especial with the one hour showing of The office that you were looking foreword to. Happy Birthday everyone and Good Luck.