Learning from my kids

I have to say that it is so nice to learn things from my kids. There are things that they will do that I am so impressed with sometimes. Like the other day, daddy took the girls to the store with him and I stayed home with Cameron. Cameron was excited because he decided he wanted to take the time that we had together and have a "boy time". I have girl times with Lilly because that kind of interaction is what she thrives off of. Cameron is good as long as he can play games and I usually sit down with him and talk about everything he did at school. So "boy time" wasn't as important for him.

So I asked Cameron what he would like to do for "boy time" and he said,"I know, I know, I have a good idea, you're going to like this one. I think we should read the scriptures together, then we can eat cookies and talk, and then we could watch a show, then daddy will be back". I told him that that was a great idea, and that is what we did.

Then last night I had Cameron say the prayer. I listened intently to what he was saying and there again he astonished me. He said the prayer so nicely with praying about the things he was thankful for, like school, treats, mommy and daddy, his new bed and other family members. He then prayed that he could be a good boy and that the kids could keep their room clean and several other things as well. As I listened it made me think about how innocent he is and why it is important that we be like little children: submissive, meek, humble, willing to submit to all things. His prayers come right from his heart. He does not use boring repetitions and he can feel that the scriptures are important(which is why he will not let us skip scripture reading even if it is late at night).

I wish that I would do more good things just because I know that is what Heavenly Father wants me to do, just as Cameron suggested reading scriptures because he felt that it would make me proud of him. Which I was. He makes me wanted to be a better person so that I can be a better example to my children and others.

An emotional night

So the other night I was pretty bored and I didn't have much to do, so I sat and meandered through the computer reading blogs and checking out different things. I guess that maybe it wasn't the greatest idea for me to do because now I feel so very lazy and uncool. Yes, I know I am being dumb for being hard on myself, but really, have you guys looked to see what is out there. There are so many ladies that have their entire blogs on the amazing foods that they make, or they are sharing information on every thing coupon and savings(I really should read those ones more). There are blogs all about beautiful hair dos for kids (yeah definitely need to look at that one more often) and those that are amazing writers share wonderful insights in their daily lives or on church topics and more. Blogs show cases the talent of photograhy and sharing info on babies, and enduring all kinds of ailments. Yes, there is so much out there that amazing women are doing.

I guess it goes back to this feeling I have of never being good enough. I just need to do more.

I have been struggling lately on trying to get myself ready to go back to work. I have to read up on all the info that I learned in school for dental assisting, and I just pray that someone will give me a chance, considering that I haven't worked in the last three years. I know that working is the only choice that we have right now. I am willing to work and just be happy with it. Though, (I know this might sound horrible and don't worry I am not searching for pity it was just what I was feeling for a bit) with the time that I have had, I felt that I've not been using it wisely and maybe my kids would be better off with someone else during the day. I don't give them enough time and attention during the day. I don't plan out more creative activities or things to teach them. I don't clean my house well enough and I really don't cook any kind of a good variety of food. I always spend too much at the store and then I always get in trouble for it. Which reminds me I spend too much money where ever I go.

As I write those words it makes me cry. This feeling of not being good enough and not being good enough for my kids is a hard thing to think about.

The more rational side of my brain tells me that I am just being stupid for thinking these things. I now that some feelings are not rational that I have. The only thing that I can think of to stop thinking this way is to pray. Pray with earnestness and a desire to be content and happy.

I think that it might get better once I get a job and settle into things.

I know that looking at those blogs made me feel a little jealous and inadequate but it really is amazing what those women have done and are doing all the time. They are putting some great info and support out there. I'm sure they will continue doing wonderful things and same with the women I know and live around. I have to do and can only do my best and what I am capable of. For all the rest I will rely on the lord.